DORMANT DESIRES

Some desires have been lost down the lane of life
some desires shall remain stifled in this heart forever
some desires have been burnt in this heart
some desires have burnt this heart.

Some expressions have gone uncared for
some tears have been concealed forever
something has changed this heart forever
someone shall own this heart forever.

I don't desire to love you I just do it
I don't desire to hate you I just cant
I don't desire to ask you anything
I just desire to share my silence with you.

I just desire to talk to you once
to cry on your shoulder
to feel what your hands feel like
to just kiss you good-bye
a hearing of yours of my wailing
a wetting of your heart by my tears
a moment to help me evade my lament
a moment that shall last with me unlike you
a moment that shall intoxicate my silence
with the fragrance of your presence.

I just desire to be with you
one last time; one true time
I just desire an expression; inexplicable it may be
I desire a sweet poison; not a slow death...

FRIENDSHIP IS INEQUALITY

Putting friendship in a single word mathematically, I think it is inequality. Inequality is often taken to be an ugly word as it seems to be against the ideals we maintain in our minds. But I believe this word encapsulates the essence of friendship in the most beautiful manner possible. You disagree, let’s see.

How do you befriend anyone? Probably doing anything in favor of him or her in any form; be it help of any sort or a communication making other person feel better. You actually don’t expect anything in return i.e. there is a void on the so-called R.H.S. Not just this, how comfortable the person receiving this favor is; probably defines the extent of friendship. The lesser the acknowledgement of this favor the better is the friendship.

Just a second, I am not trying to present the red old wine in a new bottle but am trying to draw your attention towards its taste. There also exists a duality between the two. Friendship can cure literally anything and everything; it can act as the source and the sink for every human emotion that exists. Don’t you need something really big to encompass it? An equality remains true for some particular values of the variable while an inequality can hold for an inexhaustible set of values. Friendship is an inexact relationship; it is amorphous in nature just like an inequality. Any sort of a man who wants to make a friend will find a friend. Thus friendship as a function can accept a very larger set of values like inequality. On the other hand, love is exact. Every person may not get love in life. So in that fashion; I think I can take the liberty to call friendship as more beautiful than love because it is manifold magnanimous than love which happens to provide its charm to a fewer people; I’m sorry if I offend anyone. After all, beauty philosophically in this respect may better be read as magnanimity; something that provides pleasure to one and all. But often the edges and boundaries are not so clearly defined. Sometimes, beauty takes the more jubilant and random form. It gets eager to predate upon the general symmetry of life and creates anarchic spontaneity and vibrant patterns of happiness that is awfully tempting and alluring. This is what we call love.

Love and friendship are thus two different dimensions that comprise human happiness both equally beautiful but necessarily distinct in nature.

A beautiful mind

Do you seek beauty? Are you a beautiful mind? What you are is what your conscience is; a part of your mind. Can we by any means appreciate the beauty of something that is beyond our conscience?

I believe that the demarcation between the conscious and the sub-conscious is amorphous and often dissolves as ignorance attempts to shield the conscious mind or rather the mind that we are conscious about. The more we know the more we realise our ignorance; our inability to perceive and experience the concealed. This ability is often experienced within the realms of mysticism. Physically,the very same action can be performed by voluntary and involuntary parts of your brain; you breathe but sometimes you can actually feel directing your mind to inhale and exhale. The natural evolution process has led us to perform some really complex activities with ease. But this has cost us the ability to appreciate the beauty of simple events. Beware, am not going off line the the scientific track; what I am trying to emphasise is that we duplicate so much that it forces our mutating instincts to wither. The mutation is happening on its own consistently but on its own transforming our very basic nature. So, do we control our life or is life controlling us?

Nopes, am not trying to create a paradox but there lies a fallacy here. Can you point it out or is it inherent in nature as humans have a basic tendency to err. May be I have not managed to write what I actually meant or what is written has not been interpreted exactly the same or your thinking & reasoning is not precisely addressing that interpretation. It seems that the fallacy is inherent.

Another thing, does our thinking & reasoning actually need to address the issue? I mean do you think about something or you think around something or you think (ponder) over something or do you await a spontaneous anarchic instinct to come up with a solution. But even this wait is a schedule, an ordeal as are other so-called 'thinking' processes.


Beauty is a mood of your mind that is experienced if you care to notice. Appreciate the difference because beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Are you a beautiful mind? Do you seek beauty?

SOMETIMES

Sometimes I beg the silence to rip apart itself
to let me speak to you,shout on you,scream
it could have made me feel better...
I loved you, damn hell, I loved you;but its not that

Its ofcourse not an obligation for you to love me
but you knew me, you knew me well
We had spent quite some time together
shared some moments intimate to me
which now you dont just remember
Once I saw that expression in your eyes
which for me is beyond any verdict
as undifferentiable as life and and an endless dream
A desire it was in your unforgettable eyes
wanting me to hold you, hug you, possess you
You felt unafraid of anything and everything.

I didn't speak my emotions
but they didn't go unexpressed
for you acknowledged my acceptance of your admittance
with your cursory look down my soul.
Now that you have falllen in love with someone
I dont say its right or wrong
for who am I to say that
if I was never the one you loved.

Its just that you neither had time enough
nor any emotions for my share
5 min, 5 min and it was all over
for those 5 min I was completely soaked in your voice
Yes, the voice was familiar but words unfamiliar
5 min and my dreams, fantasies
all came rolling down the ground
but its not just the dreams that go futile
its my existence, my thoughts; a part of my soul.

Sometimes, I see you in silence and darkness
sitting beside me helping me figure out my existence
But its just that I forgot that you forgot me

Sometimes, I just want that silence to pervade
I want to lose myself, dissolve into its darkness
it brings me a feeling very familiar
and helps me avoid a feeling very familiar.

Sometimes, I sketch my heart on paper
Sometimes, I write what I read not
Sometimes, I express what I speak not
Sometimes, I pray that you will be back
Sometimes, I pray that I will give up this prayer...
Sometimes, my heart begs to cry out
that if it were to happen the way it did
you could have made it easier for me.

DESTINY MATRIX DECODED

Oxford dictionary says ‘destiny’ is the ‘pre-determined course of events’ that happens in one’s life. The destiny, or as I prefer to call ‘the elf-destiny’, is not just any other force, its an innate part of human nature. It reminds of our limitations, that there are certain things in our life that how muchsoever we crave for, we can neither deny them nor change them. It makes us feel how humane we are, how helpless we can feel at times. It is these essential things which I assume to be controlled by the ‘elf-destiny’. Its right there in your life, ever since your birth constantly sequencing the events in your life so that you can be what you were destined for. I also believe that whatever decisions it takes are more suitable than those which might have been taken by us as we might have a tendency to safeguard our personal ends compromising on our inner ends. The ‘elf-destiny’ is aware of both the ends- the source and the result so it can work about the path between with a greater accuracy .If you could just ever peep into the diary of the ‘elf-destiny’, you would know the reasons behind some very painful incidents of your life and there shall be no more laments. But the only flaw is that only a few lucky handful people can have that insight and propel them in the direction decided by the elf-destiny rather than trying to change this very direction. Things are much more acceptable if you let them loose, allow the winds of time to fly away the sands on your palm, you would be surprised to see that you will be left with enough sand to carve some dreams and some memories…its just that we are so adamant about some things that we want them at all cost….its an unending surge which breaks only where it was destined to, you realize that you were not destined for it….so you just prolong your agony, the two ends always remain the same. In other words, you just delay the end, attempting to enjoy the joy instantaneously but losing it to the ‘fear of losing’. Your life is like an encrypted matrix to which many solutions hold thus leaving enough scope for you to prove your mettle but you must abide by certain basic rules rather than engage yourself in challenging them in futility. There lies a ‘Neo’ in each of you, the only thing required is to accept some limitations to unleash the enormous power often captive in your dreams. So, weave your own solutions to this matrix, enjoy the pervasion of your soul, do not make unnecessary demarcations between truth and dreams for often the two are intertwined and let the decisions of the ‘elf-destiny’ suffice for often its not the destination but the path you have traveled that brings you the glory, the joy. Who knows when it decides to reveal its plan to you which one day it always does, you may find some most soothing explanations for your pains and their role in helping you achieve your solution!